Still Pregnant

I’m still pregnant!

That pretty much sums up my feelings lately – happy, but like it could be taken away at any second.  Even though, intellectually, I know that the chances of miscarriage at this point are only about 1 in 5, I’m still super paranoid and afraid of jinxing anything.  It doesn’t help that I’m not really feeling any symptoms. I have some off-and-on cramping, but that’s actually subsided a lot since the implantation window. My boobs are occasionally a little bit sore, but not alarmingly so. I haven’t really noticed being any more tired – I think the fact that I’m energized by my happiness and the fact that spring has finally arrived is counteracting any pregnancy fatigue.  It’s still a little bit early to be feeling much but I think I’d feel a lot more comfortable if I woke up one morning nauseated, exhausted and unable to touch my boobs without wincing.  Everyone tells me it will come.

However, outside of my paranoid brain, things actually seem to be going really well.  Here’s how my betas have progressed:

10dp5dt: 305

12dp5dt: 621 (doubling time of ~47 hours)

15dp5dt: 1,634 (doubling time of ~51 hours)

Since the internet tells me that betas are supposed to double every 48-72 hours at first, and every 72-96 hours once you’re above about 1,200, I seem to be right on track!  Of course I’m a little paranoid because I feel like everyone else’s betas are tripling and quadrupling every 5 minutes, but my clinic seems happy, I’m well within the normal range, and everything I read tells me that you really can’t compare betas between people.  So I’m going to stop worrying. (HA! Like I could ever manage that).

My clinic monitors betas until you hit 2,000, so I have one more blood draw tomorrow before I’m out of beta comparison hell and into “but how am I supposed to know everything is ok?” hell.  And then, once I hit 2,000, they’ll schedule me for an ultrasound.  My nurse said something the day of my first beta about possibly having the ultrasound this Friday, and so far my numbers have tracked with what she estimated they’d be.  I’m really, really hoping my ultrasound ends up being on Friday – I’m dying to know what’s happening in there, and I think I’ll believe this pregnancy a little bit more once I’ve seen it on a screen.

Until then, I’m going to appreciate every day that I’m “still” pregnant!