Bye Bye, Booze

Aside from a few unpleasant side effects as I readjusted to birth control pills, this weekend was nice: my decision is behind me and I am moving forward.  I also took time off from worrying about to spend time with friends who don't know we're “trying,” and it was refreshing to focus on something beyond myself.

However, hanging out with my friends highlighted the challenge of my decision to stop drinking for the duration of my cycle.  This is a personal choice, not a medical mandate; I asked my nurse specifically about alcohol and she said that it was fine to continue light drinking for now.  But, even though I’m healthy, I feel like I need to get my body into the best possible shape over the next few weeks. Ridding myself of alcohol toxins is probably one of the fastest things I can do to improve my health, so I’m going to do it.

I’ve had a complicated relationship with drinking while we’ve been trying.  The first month, convinced that I’d get pregnant right away, I happily gave it up during my two week wait.  It was actually fun to sneak into the kitchen at parties to mix my own drinks and find excuses to go the bar by myself so that I could order a plain club soda with lime.  I saved a ton of money and lost a few pounds; what’s not to love?

After the first month the novelty wore off, and I continued drinking (lightly) through the two week wait.  My best friend called it my “Murphy’s Law” approach to pregnancy: if I had something to feel guilty about, obviously I was guaranteed to get pregnant, right?  Apparently not.

During the fourth month of trying, I thought for sure I was pregnant so I gave up drinking again.  I was on vacation with my family at the time, which should have been perfect – we’re not huge drinkers.  However, my mom decided that this was the year to institute a tradition of 4 p.m. daiquiris on the beach.  I claimed blender duty and did some creative mixing to make sure that I secretly ended up with virgin drinks. Halfway through the week that became unnecessary.

So now here I am, swearing off drinking yet again.  This weekend wasn’t so bad, even if I did have to sip on a Diet Coke at a bar that brews its own amazing beer.  However, there are a few issues I’m anticipating running into over the next six weeks:

It’ll cramp my social life.  Is it possible to write “drinking is a big part of my life” without sounding like an alcoholic?  Because it’s true; the friends I spend the most time with are single and childless, so our gatherings usually include alcohol.  Mimosas at brunch!  Beers during the football game!  Cocktails at happy hour!  Wine with dinner!  It'll be conspicuous if I stop partaking; living in the city we walk a lot, so I can’t even claim to be the perpetual designated driver.  Of course no one will blink if I order a soda every now and then, but it’s no fun to be the sober person in the bar, and it’s no fun to be drinking with your sober friend.  Does that mean I'll be no fun?

Rumors will fly.  About a year before we started trying, I went out and didn’t feel like drinking for various reasons – it was a work night, it was an expensive bar, etc – so I skipped out on the first round of drinks. Eventually I went to the bar by myself and got something not-obviously-alcoholic, I think a gin and tonic, that I nursed for most of the night.  Everyone thought I was pregnant.  Giving up drinking during the season of holiday parties is going to get me exactly what every infertile person wants for Christmas: swirling rumors that I'm pregnant.

I’ll resent it.  I like meeting friends at a bar for a drink.  I like having a glass of wine at dinner.  I like trying new beers.  For now, these things are parts of my identity.  I always knew I’d give them up during my pregnancy and be happy to do so, but giving up drinking now is proof that getting pregnant did not happen in the course of my normal life.  It’s going to be an annoyance and a near-daily reminder that I am never going to get knocked up after a night of bad decisions. And you know what I'd normally do when faced with life's injustices?  Have a drink.

Wish me luck making it through the holidays sober!  But hey, on the bright side, maybe I’ll lose a few pounds again....