Decisions, Decisions

This morning I had my doctor’s appointment.  It was overall pretty positive, but we left with a really difficult decision to make.

To sum things up, one of my tubes is blocked, and the other is open but has a fluid-filled pocket - a hydrosalpinx (I‘ve known this since my HSG). Usually a hydrosalpinx is found in a blocked tube, and the tube should be removed before starting IVF. The fluid from the hydro flows back into the uterus, preventing implantation.

I had come to terms with the fact that I was probably going to need to get that tube removed.  But, surprisingly, my doctor was unsure about removing the tube. He said that since my tube with the hydro is open, the fluid is able to flow out the end of the tube and less likely to cause an issue. Not unlikely, just less likely.

I get three tries at IVF with my insurance and I want them to be the best possible tries. At the same time, I don't want to remove my tube if I don't have to.  So, that’s the decision I have to make over the next few days.

I’ll have more information on Wednesday; I gave my doctor permission to e-mail the other doctors in the practice for their opinions on what we should do.  (I like to picture them with an email chain similar to the one my friends and I have going most days, where we share a constant stream of weird news, cute baby animals, and insults.)  If I decide not to do surgery, I can start my IVF cycle, literally, right away – I left the office with a prescription for birth control pills that I start taking Wednesday if we’re going forward.  Insane.

Since the only thing I’m doing right now is waiting for my second opinion (and third and fourth and fifth and sixth… have I mentioned I’m at the largest fertility center in the country?) to roll in, I decided to focus on organization.  I work on a college campus, so at lunchtime I walked over to the bookstore to buy an accordion folder to organize the various insurance papers, informational booklets, and instructions I’m accumulating.

I went straight for the pretty designer one, of course.  But then I thought, should I be choosing form over function at a time like this?  And look at the price: the pretty one is $4 more!  IVF medicine is expensive, should I be wasting money?

So I started looking at the other options.  Plastic or cloth? Letter sized or legal sized? Clear, translucent, or opaque?  Teal, yellow, pink, green?

Do I want the rubber band thing to clip to a button on the front of the folder? Wrap around the whole folder?  Reach over the corners of the folder?  Or do I not want a rubber band at all – maybe velcro is better?  Do I want it to open on the short end or the long end?  Should it be rigid or flexible?  How big should the tabs be?  Should it have seven sections, ten, twelve?

Or maybe I don’t want an accordion folder at all.  Maybe I want a binder. A series of folders. A binder with a series of folders inside of it! A series of binders with a series of folders inside of them!!

My heart is pounding. My pupils are dilated.  My palms are sweaty. My breathing is fast.  THIS DECISION IS IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYTHING DEPENDS ON THE WAY I ORGANIZE MY PAPERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoa there, crazy.

I eventually just bought the pretty one.  It’ll make me smile, and really that’s the most influential thing my accordion folder can do for me. (Right?  I didn’t miss anything, did I?  OH GOD I THREW AWAY THE RECEIPT!!!)

Now if only all decisions were that simple….