This first paragraph is unrelated to fertility, but last night
Henry and I went to see Brandi Carlile in concert and she was fantastic. I was never a big fan of hers, but we saw
her open for Ray LaMontagne a while ago and she was so good live that when I saw she
was coming to Baltimore I bought tickets right away. I still don’t own any of her albums but it
probably made its way into my top ten, definitely top twenty, concerts, and I’ve
been to a lot of concerts; my only complaint is that dark theater + soulful
singer + piano + violin ruined the “not crying” streak I had been on for a few
days now. (Now I want one of those “This workplace has
been X days without an accident” signs, but for crying). Anyway, if you ever get the chance to see her
play, go.
The concert was a nice little diversion, because the next five days will define my and Henry's luck for the foreseeable future.
First, this afternoon Henry finds out if he passed the Maryland Bar exam [update: he passed!]. Back when we were first married, I had it in my head that we would start trying as soon as he passed the bar. We ended up moving that timeline up, but sometimes I wonder if the universe is forcing me to stick to my original plan.
On Monday, we have our big doctor’s appointment. I know what he's going to say from talking to the nurse and consulting with Dr. Google, but I’ll get to ask my doctor all sorts of questions (he doesn't know what's coming; you should see my list). We’ll make some decisions and move from the diagnosis phase to the treatment phase. Eek.
Then, on Tuesday, is the election. While the election won't have an immediate impact on my situation, I feel very strongly about what I'm voting on, and my infertility has only made me feel more viscerally connected to two of my votes:
The first is the vote I'll cast for Maryland’s marriage equality law. Its importance hit me when I was trying to make sense of my insurance benefits. Amid the complicated descriptions, one thing was very clear: “your plan excludes [infertility] coverage for same sex domestic partners.” I am extremely grateful for that we have wonderful insurance benefits; I can’t imagine being told that they didn’t apply to me because of who I happen to love. The entire reproductive process – whether it happens naturally, after infertility treatments, or through adoption – is easier for straight couples. Obviously biology plays a huge role, but in my mind that just makes it even more important that the state support same sex couples in their quest to become parents. If this law can remove the legal distinction between me and my gay friends, that’s a step in the right direction.
The second is the vote I'll cast for President Obama. Throughout this campaign we’ve heard references to “reproductive rights,” which is usually code for abortion and contraception. But the right to get pregnant and the right to not get pregnant are two sides of the same coin. You just know the asshole who says pregnancies resulting from rape are “something God intended to happen” is the same jerk telling you that maybe it’s God’s plan that you’re infertile. And if Catholic employers can deny insurance coverage for abortion and contraception, why not IVF? I’m lucky that I’ve never had to decide whether or not to continue an unwanted pregnancy; I’m fortunate that I’ve always been able to afford contraception. Now that, for the first time in my life, my uterus is being affected by forces beyond my control, I’m so, so glad that I have the right to make the decisions that are best for me without any interference. I’ll be voting to keep it that way for all women, no matter what decisions they’re facing.
Keep your fingers crossed for Henry, for me, for Maryland, and for America.
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