Last Day of Waiting

So, today is the day!  My doctor’s office has my blood and is supposed to call me this afternoon with the results.  I’m pretty proud of myself that I never took a home pregnancy test (as of this morning, I even know where Henry his them), but to be honest I’m terrified of HPTs.  I think I’ll be able to handle the nurse telling me no better than I’d be able to handle that one single little line staring at me.  If I took a test and it was a no, I’d feel like it was my fault for having been impatient.

I don’t really have a prediction… I am leaning no, but I think that’s just because I’ve never been pregnant before, and I don’t know why today would be any different.  But I’m ready to be surprised!  And honestly it’s not so much that I’m expecting a no as it is that I’m not expecting a yes… I find it easier to believe that this will drag out forever than to believe that there will be any sort of resolution TODAY.

Anyway, symptoms - my boobs are still denser, and are now even a little bigger, but that could easily be the progesterone.  They’re still not very sore.  I did feel a little queasy when I woke up yesterday, but it’s so early for morning sickness that I doubt it’s related.  Today I feel gross, but that’s probably just because there is a cold running rampant around Baltimore.  So in other words, lots of little signs and symptoms, but nothing that can’t easily be explained away.

Want to know one of the strangest things, though?  On Christmas day, my aunt says, “I had a dream you were pregnant!  And there was a whole weird story behind it… but I can’t remember what it was.”  She doesn’t know anything about any of this, so it was out of nowhere for her to say that.  And then my mom made a really awkward comment and I changed the subject.  But as soon as my mom and I were alone, we agreed that it was weird.  My aunt has never shown any psychic tendencies before, but I guess it’s never too late to start?

Christmas was ok, but Christmas eve mass was hard.  Here’s a list of things not to do on Christmas eve when you are having trouble getting pregnant, and are pumped full of hormones:

Do not go to the “family” mass, where everyone is encouraged to bring their kids and there is a nativity pageant instead of a homily

Do not sit behind an adorable little boy in red suspenders and red chuck tailors

Do not also sit behind a weird looking but smiling baby girl, and an adorable little girl in a giant Christmas dress

Do not pick a stupid fight over nothing with your husband before mass so that you’re already in a melancholy mood when you get there

Do not let the Christmas music get to you – not even when the pageant kids sing the first verse of Silent Night.

Ah well, at least we were late so we were stuck in the very back corner of the balcony, where no one could see me.  And at least I was wearing waterproof mascara.

Results tomorrow, I promise!