Awesome GYN Visit (Part 2)

So now that you know all the history behind how I ended up in my particular OB/GYN’s office last Friday, I can finally tell you why the visit was so wonderful.

It didn’t start off too auspiciously.  While waiting in the exam room, I was psyching myself up to tell the doctor everything.  I wanted her to be up to date, especially since if I get the surgery she will be the one doing it.  I was also determined to, for once, not cry while discussing this infertility madness. I had met this doctor exactly once before and cried then, so I really wanted to keep my composure this time. “NO CRYING!!!!!” I was telling myself as she opened the door.

And then she walked in, and she is about 6 months pregnant.  God-fucking-dammit, I wasn’t emotionally prepared for THAT.  She said something normal like, “So last time I saw you, you were here for a pregnancy consult… not pregnant yet?” and I burst into tears. So much for not crying.

But after a minute or five I managed to get myself under control and tell her the whole story, up to and including the part where I might need her to remove one of my tubes.  She was really understanding and even offered to tentatively schedule the surgery for soon after my cycle so that I can waste as little time as possible (when I talked to her scheduler this ended up not really working out for complicated reasons on my end, but it was nice that she offered). I started to feel more positive.

And then, as our conversation was winding down and the exam was starting, she casually said, “When I had my IVF blah blah blah,” and my heart stopped with a little record screeching sound.  I mean, I knew from our first meeting that she had fertility issues, but IVF? She understands!  She used my doctor!!  And obviously it worked!!!!

I told her I didn’t realize she had IVF, and then for the next few minutes we weren’t doctor and patient, but girlfriends (at one point, while she had her finger up my vagina, very good girlfriends) chatting about how awful HSGs are, how easy the shots are, and how a frozen cycle compares to a fresh one.  For those few minutes I was SO HAPPY and felt about 500 pounds lighter.

[Aside: Can we all take a second to acknowledge how hard it must have been for her to be a FREAKING OB/GYN while she couldn’t get pregnant?  That’s on a whole other level than my Facebook complaints; I cringe just thinking about it.]

[Another aside: I’m pretty sure that this experience has proven to me that, somehow, I need to meet someone who either is going through this or has gone through it and at least have coffee with them.  Talking to her for those few minutes as if IVF were the most normal thing in the world did at least as much good for my emotional state as my counselor appointment earlier in the week.]

And then, as the visit was ending, I took a big chance: I asked her what she would do if she were me.  “What would you do if you were me?” is both the question I most want someone to answer and the one that’s hardest to get answered.  My doctor and nurse sidestep it whenever I ask, and no one else in my life (that I know of) knows anything about IVF other than what they’ve learned through me.  All I want is someone knowledgeable to give me some guidance, someone who has been through it to tell me I’m doing things right, someone who knows what it’s like to sympathize with my position. I held my breath waiting for her to answer.

“Well, it’s hard………” she said, and my heart sank. We were back to doctor-patient mode, and I was sure she wasn’t going to give me a firm answer because there is no right answer. “…. but I’d probably get the tube out, just to be sure it’s not causing a problem.”

Told you it was an awesome visit.