Mothers Are Crazy

I had my baseline blood work and ultrasound this morning.  I have 13 follicles (the majority on my left ovary – let’s hope that means the little guy is going to make some magic this time), zero cysts (yippee!), and low hormone levels.

I’m officially good to get going; shots start Thursday.

After I left the appointment, I texted Henry and my mom “No cyst this time!” Really, that’s all there was to say about the appointment (especially because I was still about 7 hours from getting my blood test results).  Ten seconds later my phone rang, and it was my mom.

I tell my mom pretty much everything about my IVF.  Not necessarily what I’m feeling and thinking, but she’s up to date on my treatment plan, when my appointments are, etc.  I’ve answered every question she’s ever asked that is answerable and regularly volunteer information. She’s even seen me get a shot.  Honestly, she knows everything short of my actual hormone levels and drug doses.

But I think that she thinks there must be more that I’m not telling her, because she’s always trying to get more information out of me.  Part of the problem is that while I’ve accepted (or at least am trying to accept) that this is an unpredictable process that you have to take one day at a time and not speculate about, she’s not there yet.

Here’s how this morning’s conversation went:

Her: How’d your appointment go?

Me: Good! I don’t have a cyst!

Her: What does that mean?

Me: It means I don’t have to get a cyst drained, and I can start my shots on Thursday.

Her:: Oh.  Did you say that you were doing an ultrasound this morning?

Me: Yup, that’s how they saw that there wasn’t a cyst.

Her: Did they see the hydro?*

Me: He didn’t say and I didn’t ask, and right now it doesn’t really matter. But I’m assuming he would have said something if he did, so probably not. And I didn’t see it, and I’m getting better at reading the ultrasound.

Her: If they don’t see it, that’s good.

Me: Yeah but at this point it doesn’t really matter because it doesn’t change anything.

Her: Did they see your left ovary?

Me: Yeah, but they’ve seen it before, it’s just a matter of whether or not it makes eggs.

Her: Did he say whether it looks like it will make eggs this time?

Me: Mom, I really don’t think they can tell that from an ultrasound.  We’ll just have to wait and see.

Her:: Well what did he say?

Me: He didn’t say anything! He did the ultrasound and said “We should be good to get started” and that was it. There’s nothing to say yet.

Her: Oh, he would drive me crazy.
Me: Yeah, but that's just the way it is. They don't tell you anything except what you need to know.

Her: But they’re putting you on a higher dose of meds this time, right?

Me: [Thinking: OH MY GOD WE’VE GONE OVER THIS 50 TIMES] Yup!
Her: So that will help the left ovary, and you'll make more eggs, right?
Me: That's the hope.

Her: Did the doctor say whether you’ll have more mood swings this time since you’re on the higher dose?**

Me: No, mom, he really didn’t say anything else.  I don’t think they speculate.  And anyway, I think the side effects are different for everyone.  I’ve even heard of people who have different side effects each time.  So I don’t think they have any idea.

Her: Oh yeah, I guess they don’t want to set any expectations.

Me: Yeah.

*My mom is kind of obsessed with whether or not they see the hydro on ultrasound; she doesn’t want me to have the surgery and I think she thinks that if they don’t see it I won’t have it.
 **She also likes to talk about the fact that I’ll have mood swings from the meds, despite the fact that I didn’t have any mood effects last time.

And then we talked for a few minutes about how even though I told her that we were going to start telling more people as it made sense to, that doesn’t mean that SHE can go out and start telling my cousins and her friends.  She acted offended that I would even think she would do that (even though she totally would), and I had to reassure her that I didn’t think she would go against what I wanted, I just wasn’t sure if I was clear about what I wanted.

And then the conversation ended on this:

Her: Well I couldn’t tell anyone even if I wanted to.  Every time I think I understand all this, it turns out I don’t.

Me: [Banging my head against the wall]

I swear, my mom is a smart woman.  She just thinks there is more to this than there is.