Hectic

Sorry I’ve been MIA… apparently all those plans I made for myself didn’t leave me a whole lot of time to write!  But I’m back from my weekends away, and the crazy week that went between them, and everything is suddenly coming up SOON.  All of my activities did really help the time go faster (less than a week left on birth control pills!), but it also had the unintended consequence of making my life feel a little hectic.  At the moment, I’m feeling out of control of….

My house – I can’t remember the last time we vacuumed, and our suitcases still aren’t unpacked.  My house just feels gross, and few things make me feel more stressed out than a gross house.

My diet – Two weekends in a row out of the house mean that I did not eat very healthily, and probably drank more alcohol than I should.  I feel like I haven’t had a vegetable in ages, and when I stepped on the scale this morning… ouch.

My looks – Ok, this one is really vain.  But all the dry winter air plus the stress plus my poor diet has me suddenly feeling like I look haggard.  I’m turning thirty this year and while I’ve never really cared about age before, out of nowhere I’m just feeling OLD.

My finances – Yet another thing that two weekends in a row away took a toll on.  In addition to vacation expenses, somehow we got hit with a lot of one-time bills this month (hello there, car insurance).  And even though my insurance mostly covers my IVF, there’s still a $700 co-pay and (hopefully) a $1,800 embryo freezing bill in my near future.

My non-IVF life – The dog needs to go to the vet.  I’ve been neglecting my duties in my neighborhood association.  A friend needs help with boy drama.  My mom is getting under my skin.  I’m behind at work.  Henry’s 35^th birthday is in a couple of weeks. Guess what I’m doing about these things? If you guessed “Feeling guilty, and not much else” you’d be right!

My mood – Combine all of the above, and I’m feeling a little scattered.  And “scattered” is NOT the way I want to feel going into an IVF cycle.

Thankfully, our hectic schedule slows down after tonight.  Now that I have some free time, Henry and I will clean, grocery shop, exercise, cook healthy meals (maybe even freeze some healthy meals in case we don’t feel like cooking during my cycle), relax, and check things off our to-do list.  The goal is to have wrestled control of my life back by the time I go in for my baseline appointment next Monday.  Hopefully, that will be enough to get me feeling positive and in command of my own destiny again.