A Story About Poop

I don’t have much fertility news this morning, but there is a funny bathroom story that sort of tangentially involves babies so I’ll tell it.

This morning I pooped in my work bathroom (sorry if that’s TMI, but it’s essential for the story).  When I was done, I flushed and walked out.

My work bathroom has two stalls, and my coworker, Diane, comes out of the other stall right after I come out of mine.  My poop wasn’t smelly and Diane poops in the bathroom all the time (it’s true! she eats lots of fiber), so it wasn’t too embarrassing.

Diane is my age and has two young kids, so she often gives me dispatches from the world of parenthood.  Sometimes I respond with stories about my dog, sometimes I smile and nod, sometimes it doesn’t bother me, sometimes it feels like she’s rubbing salt in my wounds.  She thinks I'm happily childless, so it’s not her fault, plus I don’t think she has slept in about 3 years so I give her some leeway.

Anyway, we’re washing our hands next to each other and Diane is telling me about her latest cloth diaper drama.  Cloth diaper drama is definitely a smile and nod subject, and on an annoyance scale of 1-10 I’m probably at about a 6: I’m in a good mood because I’m starting shots today, but I’m not in the mood to discuss other people’s babies because I’m starting shots today. I’d like this conversation to be over, but I’m not going to be rude about it.

At this point, a third co-worker comes into the bathroom.  She walks into the stall I was just in, looks at the toilet, and exclaims, “Oh! Gross! Ew!” 

Now this is embarrassing.  I swear it wasn’t smelly.  And I swear I flushed.  I flushed, right?  Yes, I’m sure. Did I check to make sure nothing floated back up?  No, I don’t think I did.  Something must have floated back up.  Ew.  Diane knows I just came out of there.  Great, now I’m the crazy "my dog is my child" lady who leaves her poop floating in the toilet.  What a freak.

I’m about to say… something, I don’t know what, but my mouth is opening… when the third coworker says, “There’s a giant bug right in the middle of the floor! I’m not going in there!”

Embarrassment averted. Cloth diaper conversation over. Heart rate up.

Not a bad way to start the day.